Thursday, October 24, 2013

SOCIAL EXPERIMENTATIONS ON RACE AND GENDER AND WHATEVER LOL JK IDK



YO WHAT'S GOOD MY NIGGAS IT'S YA BOY

IN MY CONSTANT QUEST FOR #KNOWLEDGE TO FORM INTO PALATABLE DARTS FOR YALL (CUZ I LOVE YALL) I DECIDED TO PERFORM A SOCIAL MEDIA SOCIAL EXPERIMENTATION. I MAY HAVE LOST A COUPLE FOLLOWERS BUT IN THE END THE SHIT WAS MEANT TO BE AN EYE OPENING EXPERIENCE FOR YOU NIGGAS MANE. BECAUSE YO, ONCE AGAIN I LOVE YALL AND WANT YOU KNOWLEDGE DISCIPLES AND MEROS MAMIS TO LEARN AND GROW WITH ME MY PALS. ALSO WORK IS SLOW TODAY.

"MERO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MY GUY?"
 
 I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE FAM BUT HEAR ME OUT.
 
 I CALLED UP MEGAN WHO IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF MY MANAGERIAL STAFF, TO THROW NIGGAS A CURVEBALL ON TWITTER AND HAD HER "TAKE THE WHEEL" ON MY TWITTER FOR A MINUTE. 
 
 
 
 
 

ONLY THING WAS SHE AINT TAKE NO FUCKIN WHEEL! THAT WAS ME NIGGA!  MEGAN WAS ANSWERING WORK EMAILS AND SETTING UP MEETINGS WITH CHECKBOOK NIGGAS FOR YOUR BOY WHILE BASKING IN COMPLIMENTS FROM NIGGAS WITH DIGITAL BONERS. 

SINCE THIS WAS A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT I HAD TO KEEP THE GUISE OF HAVIN A REAL REASON TO HAVE MEGAN TAKE OVER MY SHIT SO FOR THE NIGGAS THAT I BAMBOOZLED, I APOLOGIZE FAMILY IT WAS FOR THE GREATER GOOD.

ALSO I'M SURE ITS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME TYPE OF CHART OR SPREADSHEET OR PHOTO ESSAY OR SOME SHIT JUXTAPOSING NIGGAS THAT WAS LIKE "ME AND VIRGIL WENT TO FENDI >:'(" VS NIGGAS THAT WAS LIKE "LOL MERO IS A COOL GENIUS XD" 

BUT I AIN'T GET A GRANT FOR THIS SHIT YOU TRIPPIN MY PAL. THIS AINT THOUGHT CATALOG NEITHER THIS MERO NIGGA. SO IF YOU DONT WANT LINKS TO THINKPIECES ALL IN YA TIMELINE, ALL IN YA EMAILS, COME TO VICTORY LIGHT!! MY TWITTER IS THERE, SEARCH MY MENTIONS AND "KID MERO" SO YOU CAN DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS. YO MATTERFACT IF YOU MAJORED IN INTERNET RESEARCHING AT AN ACCREDITED UNIVERSITY FEEL FREE TO HIT ME UP WITH YOUR FINDINGS B, I'LL FOLLOW UP. I AINT GOT TIME FOR ALL THAT MY NIGGA MY KIDS STILL BOTH IN DIAPERS AND I'M OVER HERE STRESSED B. I WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET YESTERDAY AND PUT A GALLON OF MILK ON LAYAWAY, ASK CHITO HE WAS THERE. WHAT'S YOUR FUCKIN LIFE LIKE? 

ANYWAY TO APPEASE WHOEVER MAD ABOUT THIS SHIT HERE'S SOME SHIT FROM OFF THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR OF MY FASHION WEEK PIECE OVER ON NOISEY. ENJOY MY PALS. I'M FOR THE PEOPLE. 

#KNOWLEDGE

THIS IS WHAT THE KARDASHIANS DID TO AMERICA B. YOU NIGGAS THINK I ASKED THESE BALLBAGS TO TAKE THEY PICTURE? I ASSURE YOU I DID NOT FAM. I WAS SITTIN THERE MINDING MY BUSINESS ASKING THE NIGGAS GIVING OUT FREE NJOY CIGARETTES TO GIVE ME MORE THAN JUST 5 SAMPLES SO I COULD SELL THEM IN THE HOOD AND LIE TO NIGGAS AND SAY THEY GOT WIFI, TO JUSTIFY ME SELLING THEM FOR $30. THESE NIGGAS ASSAULTED ME ASKIN WHAT I HAD BEEN TAKING PICTURES FOR. MA I KNOW YOU ARE PROBABLY VERY PROUD OF THAT BEBE DRESS AND YOUR FIANCEE GERARDO'S STATUS AS THE WORLD RECORD HOLDER FOR "NIGGA WITH MOST FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS" BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU PHOTOWORTHY. NAH. THEY INSISTED THO SO HERE THEY ARE.

 
I WAS JUST GONNA DROP THIS HERE AND NOT SAY SHIT BECAUSE YO, REALLY? WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THESE HUMAN ANIME CHARACTERS THAT YOU CANT DEDUCE WITH YOUR EYEBALLS THAT ALLAH GAVE YOU? LOOK AT THESE NIGGAS MAN. THE NIGGA ON THE LEFT LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN GEOCITIES PAGE B. SHORTY IN THE MIDDLE LOOKS LIKE A FEMININE DRESS SOCK IN DRAG AND HOMIE ON THE RIGHT LOOKS LIKE A NOMADIC BIKE MESSENGER DJ FROM WHATEVER PLANET THE STAR WARS NIGGAS WITH BUTTHOLE FACIALS WAS FROM. SOMEBODY WHO LIKES STARWARS CLARIFY THAT FOR ME BECAUSE "STAR WARS NIGGAS WITH BUTTHOLE FACIALS" IS NOT YIELDING THE DESIRED RESULTS.


HEY MA HOW YOU DOING? CAN I TAKE YOUR PICTURE FOR VICE? FOR FASHION WEEK? I NEED A PICTURE OF A WHITE WOMAN ON A CITIBIKE TO ANTAGONIZE NIGGAS WHO MISS "THE OLD NEW YORK" NO? NO PICTURES? DAMN...OK...*WALKS AWAY* OH WAIT? COME BACK? OK OK. *NICK TAKES PICTURE* YO SHORTY FOOT IS DOING SOME WEIRD THING THAT MAKES ME HATE FEET MORE THAN I ALREADY DO. WHEN FEET DO ANYTHING REMOTELY HANDLIKE IN NATURE I GET REAL UPSET FAM I JUST THREW MY SANDWICH OUT. ALSO SHOUTOUT TO ANYBODY WISTFULLY REMEMBERING ROMPER SEASON (SHOUTOUT TO SKINNY FRIEDMAN)

IDK THIS NIGGAS NAME BUT IM SURE HE HAS AT LEAST ONE OFFSPRING NAMED "MORGAN" OR "AMY" AND THEY BOTH HAVE NO IDEA HE'S ON HIS WAY TO HIS WEEKLY WITH MISTRESS DOMEENA AND THAT HIS MESSENGER BAG IS FULL OF TITANIUM BUTTPLUGS AND BULLWHIPS. BECAUSE MISTRESS DOMEENA DON'T SPEND HER MONEY ON PROPS SHE SPENDS IT ON THE FINEST PERUVIAN YAY. SO HE GOTTA BYOB. (BRING YOUR OWN BUTTPLUG)


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

HASHTAG HASHTAG HASHTAG JOURNALISM YEEZUS IM DRUNK

 


IF YOU NIGGAS DIDN'T KNOW KANYE IS GOD HE'S THE BEST MUSICIAN EVER TO WALK THE FACE OF THE PLANET OF THE EARTH HE'S BASICALLY THE ONLY RELEVANT PERSON TO EVER MAKE MUSIC OK? ALSO RICK RUBIN WAS INVOLVED IN THE MAKING OF THIS AND RICK RUBIN IS THE MOST TALENTED MUSICIAN PRODUCER EVER TO WALK THE FACE OF THE PLANET OF THE UNIVERSE HE'S ALMOST EQUAL TO KANYE THEY ARE TWO BESTS THEY ARE THE BEST PEOPLE THAT EVER MADE A MUSIC. JUST KIDDING GUYS THIS ISN'T A PITCHFORK REVIEW HAHAHA. HERE'S THE SERIOUS NO GAG REFLEX REVIEW EVERY OTHER NIGGA IS GONNA GIVE THIS.

"KANYE WEST IS TACKLING A WIDE RANGE OF TOPICS BY APPROPRIATING THE TIRED RAP CLICHES OF FELLATIO AND MONEY, AND APPLYING THEM TO TODAY'S SOCIETAL ILLS AFFECTING MINORITY AND ESPECIALLY BLACK MEN IN SOCIETY TODAY, SUCH AS MASCULINITY AND HOMOSEXUALITY AND POVERTY USING RAW EMOTIONAL YET SONICALLY JARRING MINIMAL PRODUCTION HE ALLOWS HIS MESSAGE TO SHINE THROUGH, THE MESSAGE OF "I GET MY DICK SUCKED ALOT AND DO SEX WITH WOMEN FREQUENTLY" WHICH IS AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE, IS NOT SHROUDED BY OVERLY COMPLEX PRODUCTION. SUCH IS THE GENIUS OF KANYE, HE KNOWS HE'S BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE AND HE PROVES IT WITH EVERY FLAWLESS MASTERPIECE ALBUM HE BLESSES US WITH!!"


THAT'S NOT MY FUCKING REVIEW MY PAL. I DON'T DO THOSE. I JUST LISTENED TO THIS SHIT AND PRETENDED IT WASN'T MR. KARDASHIAN IN ORDER TO GIVE AN UNBIASED REVIEW.




ON SIGHT
*DOES POORLY EXECUTED CARTWHEEL INTO ARCADE MACHINE FROM 1983, EATS VERY PIXELATED LOOKING FRUIT* OH COOL KANYE THANK YOU FOR BRINGING ME BACK TO THE DAYS OF BLOWING MY NINTENDO CARTRIDGES BECAUSE THE SHIT FROZE AND STARTED MAKING ALL THESE WEIRD NOISES IN SUCCESSION. DON'T KNOW IF YOU NIGGAS KNOW BUT THIS GORGEOUSLY MINIMALISTIC SONIC BACKDROP IS THE RESULT OF KANYE WATCHIN THE KIM RAYJ SEX TAPE AND RECREATING IT WITH A COMMODORE64. KANYE IS AN INNOVATOR B. ALSO LYRICALLY HE IS RAPPING ABOUT SHIT I CAN RELATE TO SUCH AS LIKE BLOWJOBS ALSO BLOWJOBS AS WELL.

BLACK SKINHEAD
*TOURE STYLE NERD VOICE* "YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND! KANYE IS BREAKING SERIOUS SOCIAL GROUND HERE AND HIGHLIGHTING THE SOCIETAL ILLS WE AS BLACK MEN FACE IN SOCIETY SOCIALLY VIA SOCIAL NETWORKS!!" SHUT THE FUCK UP BRUH THIS SONG SUCKS. I DON'T CARE WHAT THIS NIGGA IS TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE HE SOUNDS LIKE AN ANGRY BEAT POET ASS NIGGA OVER SOME BULLSHIT GENRE WAVE SURFING SHIT. LIKE NIGGAS ARE GONNA HEAR THE SHIT AND BE LIKE "THIS IS GROUNDBREAKING!" BUT THIS IS BASICALLY KANYE RAPPING OVER SOME MARILYN MANSON THROWAWAY B-SIDE WITH 808'S ALL OVER THE SHIT. *FADEAWAY SHOOTS THIS SONG INTO THE BASURINGTON*

I AM A GOD
CMON MY NIGGA...I AM A GOD? ARE YOU TROLLING B? NIGGAS ALREADY BE LIKE "KANYE IS AN EGOMANIAC ASSHOLE" SO WHAT DOES THIS NIGGA DO? DROP A SONG CALLED "I AM A GOD". OBVIOUSLY HE DON'T GIVE A FUCK. THIS NIGGA KANYE SOUNDS WILD ANGRY ON THIS SHIT B. I CAN JUST PICTURE DUDE IN THE STUDIO WITH RICK RUBIN EATING PSYCHEDLIC PENISES AND COMING UP WITH THIS FUNNY ASS BULLSHIT AND RICK JUST BEING LIKE "KANYE HOLY SHIT DUDE...HOLY SHIT...THIS IS IT...THIS. IS. IT. I GOTTA TAKE MY MULES OFF" *REMOVES TIBETAN CROCS, LAYS DOWN ON FUTON* I AM TRIPPING BALLS RIGHT NOW YE...*LOOKS OVER AT KANYE WHO IS LAYING IN A PILE OF PYREX SHIRTS MASTURBATING*

NEW SLAVES
THIS IS A COOL SONG B. IF BY COOL YOU MEAN "SOUNDS LIKE SOME BABY SQUAREPUSHER FUCKSHIT" SO FAR THIS IS THE MOST TOLERABLE SONG ON THE ALBUM THO YOU FEEL ME? CAN WE KEEP IT 100? THESE ACADEMIA ASS WHITE MUSIC CRITIC NIGGAS ARE TRIPPING ALL OVER THEYSELF TO DEEPTHROAT HIS KARDASHIAN KOCK. I KEEP WAITING FOR THE RONI SIZE ASS DRUMS TO KICK IN AND LIKE, MC DYNAMITE TO COME OUTTA NOWHERE ON SOME "REEEWINE SELECTAH!!" THEN OUTTA NOWHERE THIS SHIT TURNED INTO FUCKIN A THEME SONG FOR A BLAXPLOITATION PSYCHEDELIC BRITISH MOVIE ABOUT A BLACK DETECTIVE THEN IT WAS OVER? HOLY SHIT THIS IS BLOWIN MINE.

HOLD MY LIQUOR
I GOT EXCITED FOR THIS CUZ KEEF WAS ON IT. SMH. KANYE GOT CHIEF KEEF AUTOTUNE HARMONIZING ON THIS SHIT THEN HE GETS BACK ON HIS AGGRO LOVE JONES SPOKEN WORD FUCKERY B. WHAT ARE YOU DOING MY PAL? BESIDES MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF THE RAWEST BOLIVIAN PERICS? HOLY SHIT THIS SUCKS. DOG I'M STARTING TO GET UPSET THAT I HAD TO LISTEN TO THIS AND THAT'S SAYING ALOT SINCE I'VE LISTENED TO KID ROCK AND ROD STEWART CHRISTMAS ALBUMS IN THEY ENTIRETY. THIS IS WILD GRATING. THIS NIGGA MADE AN ENTIRE ALBUM OF ACCIDENTAL ELECTRONIC PNO MUSIC. BY ELECTRONIC PNO MUSIC I DON'T MEAN LIKE KASKADE "CURATING" THE SOUNDTRACK TO "BIG WET BUTTS 18" I MEAN LIKE THE ACTUAL NOISES TWO DELL LAPTOPS WOULD MAKE IF THEY WERE DRUNK AND FUCKING EACHOTHER. KEEF DOESNT EVEN RAP ON THIS!! OD MISLEADING SMH.

IM IN IT
ONLY WHITE NIGGAS ARE SHOOK TO BE LIKE "THIS NIGGA IS A FUCKING LYRICAL CORNBALL LAUNCHER" I THINK THIS NIGGA FORGOT HE'S DOING A KANYE ALBUM AND NOT KICKIN A GUEST VERSE ON A 2CHAINZ ALBUM. THIS NIGGA IS KICKIN JOKEY "MERO DRUNK AT A BARBECUE ALIENATING HIS WHITE INLAWS" VERSES OVER "SERIOUS" BEATS. AND BY SERIOUS I MEAN THE TYPE OF SHIT SAUL WILLIAMS JERKS OFF TO IN THE SHOWER. GET THIS NIGGA OUTTA HERE THIS SHIT IS TRULY BLOWING MINE AND I PROMISE I DID EXTRA DRUGS TO GIVE THIS A POSITIVE REVIEW BECAUSE THE ONE ASPECT I ENJOY ABOUT KANYE IS THAT HE IS BASICALLY RIFF RAFF IN REVERSE AND IS CONSTANTLY TROLLING THE FUCK OUTTA WHITE AMERICA.

BLOOD ON THE LEAVES
I CAN'T TELL IF THIS SONG IS ALSO ALSO ABOUT BLOWJOBS BECAUSE KANYE IS DOING A VOCAL STYLE I CALL "AKON ON MOLLY, SOBBING" WITH THE HEAVIEST AUTOTONE AND A C-MURDER TRUMPET SAMPLE SHIT. HOLY SHIT THIS NIGGA INVENTED A NEW GENRE THAT HE HAS TO CALL "FUCKING IRRITATING" HE'S ABOUT TO WIN 20 MORE GRAMMY'S BECAUSE WHITE MUSIC CRITICS ARE SO ON THIS NIGGAS DICK THEY'LL LET THAT NIGGA BE NOMINATED FOR "BEST FUCKING IRRITATING ALBUM."

GUILT TRIP
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!! I CANT TAKE THIS SQUIRREL FACE NIGGAS FAKE AGGRESSION SERIOUSLY B. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY NIGGA YOU ABOUT TO SELL PICTURES OF YOUR POP CULTURE BABY TO SOME MAGAZINE FOR A BILLION DOLLARS CUZ AMERICA CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOU AND THE KARDASHIAN KAVORTING KULTURE KAROUSEL... THAT SHIT DONT EVEN MAKE NO SENSE I WAS TRYNA USE A BUNCHA K WORDS. HEY CHECK THIS OUT IMA MAKE A KANYE TRACK YOU READY? *WORKS UP BONER, SMUSHES BONER ON ROLAND D-50, GETS BOUNTY KILLER ACCAPELLA, CHOPS & SCREWS IT* LOOK I JUST MADE THIS ALBUM WITH MY DICK. ARE YOU IMPRESSED MUSIC CRITICS? CAN I BE ON THE COVER OF ROMANIAN VOGUE WITH A HOODED COWL NECK BLOUSE MADE OUTTA CHEESECLOTH AND A VINYL PENCIL SKIRT?

SEND IT UP
THIS IS GETTING OUTTA HAND NOW B THE "MINIMALISM" IS STARTIN TO JUST SOUND LIKE NIGGAS ARE KIDDING. RICK RUBIN WAS SITTING INDIAN STYLE NUDE WITH "FLEURE" BLARING IN THE STUDIO AND KANYE WAS LIKE "LETS MAKE THIS SAME SONG AND RAP ABOUT FUCKING OVER IT!!" EVERY SONG STARTS AS THEN SWITCHES UP INTO SOME "EXPERIMENTAL" SOUNDING STRAIGHT UP FUCKITTY FUCK FUCKSHIT. THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY BROTHER GOT WILD DRUNK AND STARTED PLAYING WITH FRUITY LOOPS ON A GATEWAY COMPUTER FROM 1999. *KANYE BLOWS FOOTLONG LINE OF COKE, ALMOST DIES* ""AY MAN! THROW A BEENIE MAN VOCAL SAMPLE ON THAT SHIT! HAAUUNNNH!!" *PASSES OUT*

BOUND 2
THIS IS VINTAGE KANYE. THIS -WAS- VINTAGE KANYE TILL HE THREW THE UNCLE CHARLIE SAMPLE OVER A WEIRD NOISE. THAT SHIT WAS WILD JARRING MY NIGGA DON'T FUCKIN DO THAT SHIT AGAIN OR I'LL SMACK YOU OUT YOUR ASYMMETRICAL TUNIC MY GUY. LYRICALLY THIS IS ABOUT FUCKING GIRLS (DUH)...IM NOT SURE WHAT THE FUCK THIS NIGGA WAS THINKING BUT IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE "EVERYBODY SAYS I'M GAY LET ME USE THIS ENTIRE ALBUM TO DISPELL THAT BY RAPPIN ABOUT NOTHING BUT BLOWJOBS" YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY ACHIEVED THE OPPOSITE YOU WING DING.



YO WOW I'M NOT THE BIGGEST KANYE FAN TO BEGIN WITH AND ASIDE FROM THAT NIGGA DOING SOME PHYSICS DEFYING SELF FELLATION I THINK HE'S A PRETTY COOL GUY. THIS ALBUM FUCKIN SUUUUUCKS THO HOLY SHIT! I KNOW THE STANDARD FUCKIN NERD RESPONSE IS "MERO YOU JUST DON'T "GET IT" DUDE!" NAH I "GET IT" MUTHAFUCKA BUT IF I WANNA LISTEN TO AUTECHRE I'LL JUST LISTEN TO AUTECHRE WITHOUT SHITTY VERSES ABOUT BLOWJOBS OVER IT. IF I WANNA LISTEN TO SHITTY RAPS OVER MINIMALISTIC TECHNO I'LL INVITE MY FRIENDS OVER GIVE THEM TOO MUCH XANAX AND HAVE THEM RAP OVER MATMOS. BUT THAT WHOLE SCENARIO IS THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WOULD CONSIDER "FUN". KANYE TOOK THE CHEAP ROUTE WITH THIS ONE DOG. KIM WAS STRESSING HIM ABOUT COPPING THE LATEST LOUIS VUITTON LAYETTE SO THIS NIGGA JUST CARTWHEELED THROUGH A STUDIO, LISTENED TO SHITTY COMPUTER MUSIC AND WAS LIKE "I HAVENT TOUCHED THIS TYPE OF SHIT SINCE I THREW LITTLE SNIPPETS OF IT IN "WATCH THE THRONE" LEMME JUST DO AN ENTIRE FUCKING ALBUM OF THIS SHIT, MAKE IT SOUND OD SLAPDASH AND ALL THE NIGGAS THAT SAY "THIS SUCKS" WILL BE OVERPOWERED BY MUSIC "JOURNALISTS" INCESSANTLY BLEATING "IT'S AVANT GARDE AND GROUNDBREAKING" WHICH IS CODE FOR "THIS SHIT IS STRAIGHT CAQUI"...THAT WAY NIGGAS CAN'T SAY HE WAS "LAZY" ABOUT THE SHIT. KANYE IS THE MOST PROLIFIC WAVE RIDER OF THIS CENTURY BRUH.

I GIVE THIS SHIT 1 PILE OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE "MINIMAL TECHNO" AND "INDUSTRIAL"...THIS IS AN INDUSTRIAL GOTH TECHNO GAY SEX DUNGEON MUSIC ALBUM NARRATED BY THE PERSONIFICATION OF EVERY COKEDREAM EVER. THANKS YE FOR THIS INFINITE STRING OF ANAL BEADS.

STANDOUT TRACK: THIS ALBUM FUCKIN SUCKS B. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I DON'T GET IT. I GET EVERYTHING EXCEPT MONEY. (SINGLE TEAR EMOJI) I'M LISTENING TO PUBLIC DOMAIN 2 TO PUT ME BACK IN A WAVY STATE OF MIND AFTER LISTENING TO 40 MINUTES OF AGGRO BONDAGE BUTTPLUG WITH A HORSEY TAIL MUSIC.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

GET THIS BITCH OUTTA HERE B.





HOLY SHIT.

THIS BITCH MANAGED TO USE EVERY SINGLE CURRENT CLICHE IN RAP MUSIC.


-"BOUT THAT LIFE"
-"TURN UP"
-TWERKING
-MOLLY (I KNOW SHE SAID MILEY BUT IT SOUND LIKE MOLLY)

FUCK THIS LITTLE COUNTRY SPRITE B. FOR REAL. MIKE WILL CASHED A GIGANTIC CHECK FOR THIS SHIT I KNOW IT AND HE GAVE THIS BITCH A FUCKIN BABY NIPPLE FUCKBOY CARTOON BEAT FOR A DISNEY CHANNEL SITCOM.

THIS SONG IS NOT SALVAGEABLE, THE SHIT IS FUCKIN STUPID BECAUSE VOCALLY MILEY AND HER LITTLE CHIPMUNK TWANG AIN'T BUILT FOR THIS TYPE OF SUBJECT MATTER AND YOU CAN'T BE UPLIFTING IF YOU TALKING ABOUT BIG BUTTS AND DOIN LINES IN THE BATHROOM. THAT'S DEBAUCHERY NIGGA. YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR LITTLE DAYCARE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR SPIN ON THE SHIT MA. CHILL.

THIS VIDEO WAS SALVAGEABLE THO. IT COULDA BEEN SOME EDGY SHIT B. THE WHOLE PREMISE OF THE SHIT WHICH IS YOUNG MULTIRACIAL NIGGAS IN AS LITTLE "COOL" CLOTHES AS POSSIBLE IS INHERENTLY EDGY... IF YOUR DEFINITION OF EDGY IS THE SAME AS MINE (FRIGHTENING TO CONSERVATIVE WHITE NIGGAS) BUT THE WHOLE SHIT TURNED OUT TO BE SOME FUCKIN BULLSHIT BECAUSE:

A) MILEY CYRUS IS A FUCKIN GOOFBALL AND THE BITCH CAN'T EVEN LOOK SEXY WHEN SHE'S SIMULATING SEX ACTS. THIS BITCH LOOKS LIKE A BABY SPARROW FAIRY HAD A BABY BY JUSTIN BIEBER AND THE SHIT IS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF AN AWKWARD GROWTH SPURT.

B) NIGGAS ADDED LIKE 8 FUCKBOY NICKELODEON ASS TWISTS TO THE SHIT THAT AIN'T MAKE NO SENSE AND JUST ADDED TO THE GOOFINESS B. LIKE FOR EXAMPLE GIANT TEDDY BEARS AND A NIGGA EATING A MONEY SANDWICH WITH A VERY CORNY EXPRESSION PON HIS FACIAL. GIANT PINATA FULL OF HOT DOGS AND FRENCH FRIES, ALSO PINK GAK. FUCK OUTTA HERE B. THE ONLY WAY YOU COULDA KEPT THOSE THINGS IN THE VIDEO AND REMAINED EDGY WAS IF YOU HAD MILEY AND A TRANNY USING A DOUBLE DONG IN A GROSS WAY. BUT THEY AIN'T DO THAT SO THE SHIT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING TERRY RICHARDSON WOULDA THOUGHT UP IF TERRY RICHARDSON WAS 9 YEARS OLD AND HORNY.


THIS IS A JUST A WARNING FOR YOU NIGGAS THAT HAVE YOUNG CHILDREN THAT ARE PERFORMERS B. IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILD STAR TO DEVELOP INTO AN ADULT STAR DON'T MOVE TO LA. LA IS THE WORLDS TOP EXPORTER OF HIGH FRUCTOSE CORNBALLS AND THEY PRODUCE SHIT LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME. WHY YOU THINK JUSTIN BIEBER OUT THERE WEARING ALLADIN PANTS JEANS THAT LOOK LIKE HE TOOK 4 SHITS IN A DIAPER AND MILEY OUT HERE "TWERKING" HER LIL BONELESS SKINLESS CHICKEN BREAST ASS CHEEKS AND DRESSING LIKE A HOMELESS STRIPPER FROM THE FUTURE?? CUZ THEY IN LA.

MOVE YOUR KIDS TO NYC ASAP IF THEY IN THE MICKEY MOUSE CLUB RIGHT NOW SO THEY CAN CREATE COOL SHIT AND BE MEDIA DARLINGS. THAT'S YOUR #KNOWLEDGEDART FOR TODAY B.


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

FATHERS DAY AIN'T FOR YOU BITCH. ITS FOR ME. JUST ME.

 
SHIT DONT SAY "MOM" ANYWHERE HERE.



YO THIS RARE POST IS IN ANTICIPATION OF ALL THE SHITFACE DURAG WEARING FACIAL PIERCED BARTENDING HOOKAH SMOKING LOVE & HIPHOP HOPEFUL BITCHES (AND NIGGAS) THAT'S GONNA DEMOLISH MY ADULATION ON FATHERS DAY VIA TWITTER.

WHAT IS THESE BITCHES PROBLEM B?

CAN I FUCKIN LIVE?

I GET IT, YOUR DAD WAS A PIECE OF SHIT BUT YOUR MOM ALREADY HAS A SPECIAL DAY DEDICATED TO HER FOR EXPELLING YOU FROM HER UTERUS B. IT'S CALLED "MOTHER'S DAY" YOU INSOLENT BITCH. STOP BLOWIN MINE BY TALKIN ABOUT "HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO MY MOM WHO DID EVERYTHING FOR ME! SHE WAS MY DAD AND MY MOM!"

INCREDIBLE B LETS GIVE THAT BITCH A MEDAL FOR NOT BREAKING THE LAW. YOUR MOMS WAS STUCK WITH YOU CUZ YOUR POPS BOUNCED! UNLESS SHE WAS A COMPLETE JUNKBOX SHE WAS LIKE "FUCK, I'M STUCK WITH THIS KID...FUCK IT." AT SOME POINT SHE WAS PROBABLY LIKE "IMA FUCKIN BOUNCE ON THIS NIGGA AND THIS PUNK ASS KID" BUT YOUR DAD BEAT HER TO THE PUNCH CUZ HE DOESN'T HAVE THAT WEIRD CHEMICAL THAT MAKES WOMEN CRY WHEN THEY BABY CRIES OR WHATEVER. I WANT ONE OF YOU MEDICAL NIGGAS TO VERIFY THAT FOR ME CUZ MY WIFE TOLD ME THIS IS A NATURAL THING AND I DON'T BELIEVE HER BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE DEVIL.

IF YOU ARE A DUDE AND YOU OVER HERE SINGING YOUR MOMS PRAISES ON FATHER'S DAY YOU ARE A FUCKING COWARD B. YOU ARE ALSO PROBABLY PUERTO RICAN. PUERTO RICAN NIGGAS DO THIS SHIT WHERE THEY BOUNCE ON THEY KIDS AND COMPLETELY DISAPPEAR, DOMINICAN DUDES STAY WITH THEY WIFE & KIDS AND JUST GO MAKE A WHOLE NOTHER WIFE & KIDS IN ANOTHER SECTION OF THEY CITY. SHOUTOUT TO US. I STILL HAVE NOT STARTED TO CULTIVATE MY SECOND FAMILY BECAUSE I HAVE CHOSEN TO PROCREATE WITH A JEWISH WOMAN AND SHE IS VERY BOSSY AND STRANGE. THE WORST THING I COULD DO IS GO MAKE ANOTHER BITCH PREGGAETON B. MY CURRENT SPOUSE IS STRESSFUL ENOUGH B. I WOULD NEED THERAPY OR SOME SHIT.

JK THERAPY IS FOR MENTAL WEAKLINGS I'LL PROLLY JUST BE THE FIRST NIGGA TO OVERDOSE ON WEED AND CAP'N CRUNCH. YO YOU EVER GET SO HIGH YOU EATING SOMETHING IN A LARGE CONTAINER AND YOU END UP EATING WAY MORE THAN YOU INTENDED TO? THEN YOUR WIFE WAKES UP THE NEXT DAY AND COMES INTO THE BEDROOM AND HOLDS UP A ICE CREAM CARTON WITH 2 SPOONFULS LEFT AND SAYS "WE BOUGHT THIS YESTERDAY. YOU'RE A PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT...AND FOR THE LAST TIME GET YOUR FUCKING "WEED TOOLS" OUTTA THE LIVINGROOM! THE BABY COULD HURT HIMSELF." YES PARENTS, DO NOT LEAVE A WOODEN WEED GRINDER ON YOUR COFFEE TABLE BECAUSE YOUR CHILD MAY INJURE HISSELF ON IT. IT SEEMS INOCUOUS BUT IT CAN BE FATAL.

LISTEN MAN ALL I'M TRYNA DO IS GO TO FATHERS DAY BRUNCH AT TOSCA AND WALK AROUND HOLDING MY TODDLER SON'S HAND (HE'S TOTES ADORBZ, ASK AROUND) AND BE CONGRATULATED BY STRANGE WOMEN MUCH TO THE CHAGRIN OF MY SPOUSINGTON. DO NOT PUT A DAMPER ON MY SHIT ON TWITTER.

"MERO WHY DON'T YOU JUST NOT GO ON TWITTER?"

BECAUSE I UPDATE THIS BLOG LESS FREQUENTLY THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER UPDATES HER KITTY LITTER NIGGA AND TWITTER IS MY TOOL TO KEEP MY "FANS" ENTERTAINED. I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING CORNBALL CALLING NIGGAS "FANS" BUT THIS ONE GIRL STEPPED TO THE DJ BOOTH AT THIS PARTY I WAS "DJ'ING" OFF MY PHONE AND WAS LIKE "OH MY GOD THIS IS CRAZY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I FEEL LIKE A STALKER ETC ETC" AND I WAS OVERCOME WITH JOY BECAUSE SHE WAS A CUTE MULATTO WOMAN WHICH MADE ME FEEL GOOD INSIDE BECAUSE UNLIKE THE HIGH RANKING OFFICIALS OF BLACKTWITTER I DO NOT WANT MY FANBASE TO BE A BUNCH OF NIGGAS WHO BUY EVERY IPHONE AND TALK ABOUT "SNEAKER CULTURE" UGH. GO FLY A KITE. ALL MY ARTSCHOOL GIRL FANS I LOVE Y'ALL, *GUITAR RIFF* YOU KNOW OUR LOVE WAS MEANT TO BEEEEEE..KIND OF LOVE TO LAAAAST--FOREVUEEEHHH...AND I WANTCHU HERE WITHMEEEEEEE, FROM TONIIIIGHT UNTIL THYEND OF TIIIIIIIME. *PIANO* YEEEWWW SHOULD KNOOOW, EV-RY-WHERE-AGO, ALWAYS ON MA MIND,  IN MUH HEART, IN MAH SOWUL. BAAABY YOU'RE THE MEEEEANING IN MALIFE, YOU'RE THE INSPA RAY SHUUUUUNNNNN

AIGHT I'M OUT GO FUCK YOURSELF, HIT MY PAYPAL OR GO TELL YOUR MOM HAPPY FATHER'S DAY CUZ YOUR DAD WAS A FUCKIN JERKOFF THAT DON'T KNOW HOW TO PULL OUT RIGHT.

#KNOWLEDGEDARTS

Monday, June 10, 2013

DAFT PUNK REVIEW IN TWO PARTS (EPILOGUE) LOL THAT SHIT SOUND FANCY "EPILOGUE" LOLZ

 
YO SO HERE IS THE SECOND DAFT PUNK REVIEW I WROTE FOR VICE THAT DID NOT AIR FOR BASKETBALL REASONS. THE CLOSING IS THE OPENING OF THE FIRST JOINT BECAUSE I AM LAZY AND CUT CORNERS FUCK YALL NIGGAS MAN YALL NIGGAS AIN'T PAYIN ME, HIT MY PAYPAL IF YOU WANNA HAVE AN OPINION ON MY WORK HABITS NIGGA.

HERE IT IS...



GIVE LIFE BACK TO MUSIC
OH THIS IS A VERY AMBITIOUS TRACK GUYS VERY AMBITIOUS THE TITLE IS FULL OF AMBITION LIKE A PERKY BREASTED STARLET ARRIVING IN LOS ANGELEEZ. YO I DONT KNOW WHERE THAT LAST SENTENCE CAME FROM I WAS CHANNELING A FAILED NOVELIST THAT IS NOW A MUSIC JOURNALISTICAL NIGGA. JUST KIDDING, I DONT KNOW WHY BUT THIS SOUNDS JAPANESE AS FUCK. I KNOW THAT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE CUZ THESE NIGGAS ARE FRENCH BUT THIS IS WHAT JAPANESE NIGGAS ARE INTO RIGHT? DENTIST OFFICE JAMZ? NO? WHAT ARE THEY INTO THEN? BESIDES PUTTING AMPHIBIANS IN WOMENS VAGINA HOLES?


 


THE GAME OF  LOVE
-OPEN SCENE-
ROBOT IN FEDORA HOVERS INTO BAR, HE IS SAD BUT MYSTERIOUS. OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS ROBOTICAL EYE HE SEES HER…HER. SHE PLAYED A GAME WITH HIS MOTHERBOARD. A GAME OF LOVE."
-CLOSE SCENE-
YO THIS IS THE SOUNDTRACK FOR AN 80'S MOVIE ABOUT A LOVE AFFAIR BETWEEN TWO ROBOTS MY NIGGA. IT COULD JUST BE THE SOUNDTRACK FOR A ROMANCE BETWEEN TWO EUROPEAN NIGGAS IN BOOT CUT JEANS AND SHOES THAT LOOK LIKE SOCKS BUT SINCE THESE NIGGAS DO EVERYTHING IN ROBOT VOICE ALL I SEE IS FUCKIN ROBOT INTRIGUE AND DECEPTION OF THE HEART B. THIS IS PRETTY GOOD MUSIC TO FUCK TO I GUESS IF YOU ARE A BELGIAN ANDROID FROM 1987. I'M NOT MAD AT IT I'M GONNA GO FUCK THE SHIT OUTTA MY IPAD (JUST KIDDING I'M POOR I DON'T HAVE AN IPAD LOL)

 


 GIORGIO BY MORODER
YO MUSICALLY THIS IS NOT BAD ITS KINDA SOME DISCOISH "FONKY BAZELION" FRENCH SHIT BUT THEY FUCKED IT UP BY HAVING GERARD DEPARDIEU TELLING ME HIS WHOLE FUCKIN LIFE STORY OVER THE SHIT LIKE I GIVE A FUCK. I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR GUITAR AND YOUR "DISCOTHEQUE" STORY "GIORGIO" YOU SOUND LIKE YOU SHOULD BE DESIGNING WOMEN'S EVENING WEAR BRUH WHY ARE YOU BLOWING MY MOLLY HIGH WITH YOUR ANECDOTAL BULLSHIT? HEY DAFT GUYS NOT EVERYONE THAT BUYS THIS ALBUM WANTS A WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHIT BRUH. LETS STICK TO THE BOUNCY EURO JAMS. AFTER BAMBINO RAGAZZO FINISHES REGALING US WITH TALES OF STUDIO EQUIPMENT THIS SONG IS PRETTY OK IT REMINDS ME OF PLAYING SONIC THE HEDGEHOG WITH MY LIL BROTHER TITO WHICH IS A POSITIVE MEMORY FROM MY CHILDHOOD SO SHOUTOUT TO THESE GUYS. TOWARDS THE END THESE NIGGAS WENT HAMMER WITH THE WHISTLY FIREWORKS NOISE OVER THE GUITAR SOLO AND THAT SHIT WAS WAY TOO INTENSE FOR ME B SHIT SOUNDED LIKE A MICROWAVE HAVING AN ORGASM.

 


WITHIN
HAHAHAHA THIS SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE WHAT I IMAGINE CELINE DION TO SOUND LIKE CHOPPED & SCREWED. LIKE EXACTLY B I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. IF I HAD "AUDIO ENGINEERING SOFTWARE" I WOULD SPEED THIS SHIT UP TO SEE IF ITS THESE TRICKY ASS FRENCHMANS TRYNA PULL A FAST ONE BECAUSE THEY COOL WITH CELINE DION AND NIGGAS IS TRYNA MAKE A JOKE AT THE EXPENSE OF AMERICANS. WHICH IS COOL GUYS I'LL LAUGH WITH Y'ALL BECAUSE I AM DOMINICAN AND AM JUST TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE EXCHANGE RATE AND GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS AVAILABLE IN THE UNITED STATES BEFORE I ABSCOND BACK TO THE MOTHERLAND AND USE MY RICHES TO HAVE SOME HAITIAN NIGGAS BUILD ME A MANSION WITH A POOL FULL OF THE TEARS OF BROKE NIGGAS AND BEAUTIFUL WOMENS PEEPEE. (JUST KIDDING URINE IS FUCKING GROSS)

 


INSTANT CRUSH
OK MY PALS NOW WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS CARLTON RAY JEEPSPIN CHOPPED & SCREWED? AM I BUGGIN OR DOES THIS SOUND LIKE SOME 1991 SHIT? PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I GOT MY ERAS FUCKED UP BUT THE ONLY SHIT THAT'S MAKING ME THINK THIS CAME OUT IN 2013 IS THE FACT THAT I DOWNLOADED IT ON THE INTERNET AND THE INTERNET WASN'T A "THING" IN 1991. YO REMEMBER WHEN NIGGAS HAD TO DOWNLOAD "WAV" FILES?! THAT WAS SUCH A FUCKING STRUGGLE BRUH. I THOUGHT I WAS THE FUCKIN MAN IN THOSE SEMI-EARLY INTERNET DAYS CUZ MY MOMS SOMEHOW GOT A COMPUTER AND INTERNET AND I WAS PLAYING QUAKE AND LISTENING TO 20 SECOND CLIPS OF RAP MUSIC ON A LOOP. I THOUGHT I WAS RICH, WHAT A DICK RIGHT? I HAD 2 PAIRS OF PANTS B I GOT SOME NERVE.

 


LOSE YOURSELF TO DANCE
YO THESE JOINTS ARE STARTING TO SOUND KINDA SIMILAR RIGHT NOW B. AT LEAST JEAN PIERRE & THEM TOOK A BREAK FROM MAKING ME LISTEN TO CYBORG CROONING AND SWITCHED IT UP WITH PHARRELL YELPING ALL OVER THIS SHIT. I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE AT FOREVER21 RIGHT NOW. THIS IS VERY CONTEMPORARY BITCH FASHION MUSIC RIGHT NOW. LIKE IF THEY AIN'T PLAYING THIS AT VICTORIA'S SECRET RIGHT NOW WHILE BITCHES BROWSE YOGA PANTS THEY ARE FUCKING UP BIGTIME. THIS IS MUCH MORE CLASSY THAN FLO RIDA SO IF YOU AN ASSISTANT MANAGER YOU SHOULD PROLLY BRING THIS TO YOUR MANAGER AND MAYBE YOU MIGHT COULD GET A .19 CENT RAISE AND AN EXTRA PERSONAL DAY.

 


TOUCH
REMEMBER THAT OMARION SONG "TOUCH"? HAHAHAHA OMARION SAID HE WAS BISEXUAL. MY NIGGA THAT SOUNDS LIKE A COPOUT. I UNDERSTAND YOU AN R&B DUDE AND NEED THAT FEMALE AUDIENCE BUT ITS 2013 DUDER, BEING GAY IS OK. ANYWAY THIS IS NOT THAT SONG THIS STARTS OFF WITH A NIGGA THAT SOUNDS LIKE HUGH JACKMAN IN A MUSICAL DOING SOME SPOKEN WORD BULLSHIT. THEN THEY CHIKKA CHIKKA ISAAC HAYES GUITAR COMES IN ON SOME COOL 70'S SHIT. OH HERE COMES THE HEAVENLY STRINGS THEN A DRUM ROLL FOLLOWED BY ELTON JOHN PIANO IF ELTON JOHN RAN A SALOON ON MARS IN 1823.  I FEEL LIKE WHEN MARTY MCFLY DRESSED UP LIKE A COWBOY IN BACK TO THE FUTURE 3…WAS THAT BACK TO THE FUTURE 3? WHO GIVES A SHIT MICHAEL J FOX WAS AT THE KNICK GAME LAST NIGHT SHAKIN LIKE A KITTEN IN A DOG POUND. SOMEHOW THIS SHIT TURNED INTO AN ALIEN WEDDING SONG THEN A KANYE WEST SONG THEN AN ANDRE 3000 POEM. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? DO NOT DO DRUGS TO THIS SONG IT WILL MAKE YOUR BRAIN STEM EXPLODE AND FLY OUT YOUR HEAD CUZ THERE'S A CHURCH CHOIR LIKE 7 MINUTES IN AND IT IS TOTALLY OUTTA LEFT FIELD.

 


GET LUCKY
OH COOL MORE PHARRELL YELPING *YELLS "HO!" ABRUPTLY, DOES PHARRELL DANCE* I ACTUALLY FUCK WITH PHARRELL HEAVY HE'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE PRODUCERS SO I END UP FORGIVING THE NIGGA EVEN WHEN HE DOES THIS MARLBORO LIGHT FUNNY HAIRCUT IBIZA SHIT. I GOTTA SAY PHARRELL LYRICALLY BE SAYING SOME DUMB ASS SHIT THO BUT HE BE HARMONIZING THE FUCK OUTTA THOSE 7TH GRADE POETRY BARS. REMEMBER "ROCK STAR"? THAT WOULD BE A GREAT HIGH ENERGY KARAOKE DRUNK SONG BUT THEN THE NIGGA SAID "YOU AIN'T HEARD THAT WE SWALLOW GUYS?" WHICH BASICALLY ELIMINATES THAT SHIT FROM BEING ADDED TO MY QUEUE AFTER SEAN PAUL "GIMME THE LIGHT". IDK ABOUT YOU NIGGA BUT I AIN'T ABOUT TO BOISTEROUSLY EXCLAIM THAT I SWALLOW MEN B. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M OUT HERE TRYNA DO. THIS SOUNDS LIKE PHARRELL HAD A HAND IN PRODUCING IT THO BECAUSE IN BETWEEN THE COMPUTER BEEPING AND ELECTRIC FARTS THE BASSLINE IS VERY "FLY OR DIE" WIT IT.

 


BEYOND
OBVIOUSLY THIS IS SOME SPACE MOVIE INTRO TYPE SHIT. DUH. IF YOU'RE WRITING A MOVIE ABOUT A SPACESHIP FLYING INTO A DISTANT HORIZON AND THEN WHEN YOU ENTER THE UNKNOWN PLANETS ATMOSPHERE THE WHOLE PLANET IS JUST MAD CLONES OF WAYMAN TISDALE JERKING OFF A GIANT KENNY G MONSTER WITH A MILLION CLARINET SHAPED DICKS, THIS IS THE THEME SONG. SHOUTOUT TO STEPHEN HAWKING FOR SINGING ON THIS THO, THAT'S CRAZY I THOUGHT THE NIGGA WAS JUST SOME SUPER GENIUS ASTROPHYSICAL NIGGA BUT APPARENTLY HE ALSO IS A RECORDING ARTIST. SHOUTOUT TO DAFT PUNK FOR THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX WITH THEY FEATURES. GERARD DEPARDIEU, PHARRELL, STEPHEN HAWKING AND A NETGEAR ROUTER ALL ARE FEATURED ON HERE AND IT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE. THIS SONG IS FOR GETTING A BLOWJOB ON JUPITER B. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THIS SONG IS FOR.

 


MOTHERBOARD
THIS IS WHAT IT WOULD SOUND LIKE IF I WAS FLYING AROUND THE INSIDE OF A COMPUTER PLAYING A FLUTE WITH MY DICK. THAT'S IT.

 


FRAGMENTS OF TIME
DAMN MY NIGGA IF YOU HAD TO RECORD A DROP FOR THIS I WOULD BE AN EROTIC SOUNDING WOMAN BEING LIKE "D-D-D-D-D-DAD MUZIK MUZIK MUZIK *ECHO*" WHAT'S REALLY GOOD WITH THIS LITTLE ADAM LEVINE SOUNDING FUCKBOY SINGING THIS ADULT CONTEMPORARY ASS BULLSHIT OUTTA NOWHERE BRUH? SO FAR THIS SHIT HAS BEEN PRETTY SOLID ROBOT P-NO MUSIC AND OUTTA NOWHERE THIS SHIT TURNED INTO MICHAEL BUBLE'S MOST AGGRESSIVE DANCEABLE RECORD TO DATE. THIS SHIT IS THE AUDIO TRANSITION FROM THE ABILITY TO BEAR CHILDREN INTO MENOPAUSE B. THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. A LITTLE FUNKINESS SIGNIFYING A BITCH ABILITY TO CARRY A FERTILIZED ZYGOTE TO FRUITION AND THEN YOUR GRANDMA'S IDEAL VERSION OF A "HOT GUY" SINGING ABOUT FRAGMENTS SIGNIFYING YOUR UTERUS BEING OUTTA BUSINESS.

 


DOIN IT RIGHT
NIGGAS ARE DOING IT WRONG WITH THIS BLUE MAN GROUP ASS SHIT B. I AM NOT FEELING THIS AT ALL. YO SO FAR EXCEPTING LIKE TWO JOINTS THIS IS THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR DREAMS IF YOU'RE A NERD THAT DREAMS ABOUT FUCKING THE ROBOT BITCHES FROM THOSE VODKA ADS. HOLY SHIT I HAD TO SKIP THIS SHIT BEFORE IT WAS OVER IT WAS THAT BAD. I DON'T KNOW IF THE FIRST HALF OF THIS ALBUM WAS FUN BECAUSE IT WAS FUN OR IF I'M JUST REMEMBERING IT BECAUSE THE SECOND HALF OF THIS SHIT IS FUCKING AWFUL.


 


CONTACT
THEY GOT A FUCKIN ASTRONAUT TALKING ABOUT SOME BULLSHIT BLAH BLAH BLAH THEN SOME ORGANS OR WHATEVER MAN THIS FUCKIN SUCKS MY NIGGA SHEESH I GOTTA GO RINSE MY EARS OUT WITH M.O.P'S "TO THE DEATH" AFTER LISTENING TO THIS EPIC MASTERPIECE OF DIGITAL MASTURBATION. THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN SURGE PROTECTORS CRY B. THIS IS WHAT YOU WOULD FUCK TO IF YOU WERE FUCKING A SCANNER/PRINTER COMBO.



SHIT IS FINALLY OVER B.


IF YOU HAVE ASPIRATIONS OF LAUNCHING A PARISIAN NIGHTCLUB INTO OUTERSPACE AND THEN FILLING IT WITH CYBORG WOMEN WITH HEADS MADE OUTTA CASIO WATCHES THIS IS YOUR FUCKIN SHIT RIGHT HERE. IF YOU JUST WANNA DO SOME RECREATIONAL DRUGS AND DANCE THIS IS NOT YOUR SHIT RIGHT HERE. THIS IS MUSIC FOR YOUR PARENTS TO DANCE TO B. YOUR NANA WOULD CONSIDER THIS REASONABLE DANCE MUSIC. IF JOHN TESH WAS LIKE "I'M GONNA START DOING PARTIES IN VEGAS" THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD PLAY B. THERE'S SOME GOOD MUSIC ON HERE BUT OVERALL THIS IS PROSTATE EXAM MUSIC MY NIGGA. THIS IS LIKE IF YOU PUT YOUR DAD IN A MUSIC STUDIO WITH A BUNCH OF "SMOOTH JAZZ" MUSICIANS AND WAS LIKE "I BET YOU CANT MAKE A DANCE MUSIC ALBUM DAD! I BET YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE FUCKING OLD! HAHA YOU'RE AN OLD FART DAD!!" AND HE JUST GOT SO FUCKIN MAD AND WAS LIKE "I'LL FREAKING SHOW YOU PATRICK!! I'M NOT OLD!! I'M ONLY 55!! THAT'S NOT EVEN RETIREMENT AGE!!"

THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER HE EMERGES FROM THE STUDIO WITH HIS BROOKS BROTHERS SHIRT ALL WRINKLED AND UNTUCKED SMELLING LIKE MAD LIGHT BEER AND SHITTY WEED. AND SMUGLY HANDS YOU THIS ALBUM.

THEN YOU LISTEN TO THE SHIT AND IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE WHAT YOU THOUGHT THE SHIT WAS FINNA SOUND LIKE B! THEN YOUR POPS IS HUMILIATED AND PUTS ON "THE NATIONAL" AND MERKS HIMSELF. I THINK I JUST WROTE AN "INDIE FILM". CATCH ME AT CANNES NEXT YEAR MUTHAFUCKAS.

Monday, June 3, 2013

DAFT PUNK IN TWO PARTS. (PROLOGUE)

YO SO I WROTE A DAFT PUNK REVIEW FOR VICE THAT AINT RUN, ONE SOLICITED AND ONE UNSOLICITED HERE'S THE UNSOLICITED ONE FIRST AND I'MA GIVE YOU NIGGAS THE OTHER ONE IN A LIL MINUTE WHICH MAY END UP BEING TOMORROW DEPENDING ON HOW HIGH I GET LATER.



YO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
AHAHAH

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YO WHAT THE FUCK? SON I LISTENED TO "HOMEWORK" AS A JOKE SO I COULD START THIS OFF LIKE "REMEMBER WHEN DAFT PUNK WAS GOOD?"

THIS IS DENTIST OFFICE MUSIC MY NIGGA. THIS IS LIKE IF YOU PUT YOUR DAD IN A MUSIC STUDIO WITH A BUNCH OF "SMOOTH JAZZ" MUSICIANS AND WAS LIKE "I BET YOU CANT MAKE A DANCE MUSIC ALBUM DAD! I BET YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE FUCKING OLD!" AND HE JUST GO SO FUCKIN MAD AND WAS LIKE "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU PATRICK!! I'M NOT OLD!! I'M ONLY 55!! THAT'S NOT EVEN RETIREMENT AGE!!"

THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER HE EMERGES FROM THE STUDIO WITH HIS BROOKS BROTHERS SHIRT ALL WRINKLED AND UNTUCKED SMELLING LIKE MAD LIGHT BEER AND SHITTY WEED. AND SMUGLY HANDS YOU THIS ALBUM.

THEN YOU LISTEN TO THE SHIT AND IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE WHAT YOU THOUGHT THE SHIT WAS FINNA SOUND LIKE B! THEN YOUR POPS IS HUMILIATED AND PUTS ON "THE NATIONAL" AND MERKS HIMSELF. I THINK I JUST WROTE AN "INDIE FILM". CATCH ME AT CANNES NEXT YEAR MUTHAFUCKAS.

IF THIS SHIT WAS A RAP MIXTAPE THAT HAD DROPS & SHIT IT WOULD BE LIKE "WAYMAN TISDALE ON THE TRACK BITCH!" BEFORE EVERY SONG. THIS IS THE SHIT JIMMY BUFFETT LISTENS TO WHEN HE'S ON MOLLY. THESE NIGGAS GOT INTERVIEWED AND THE NIGGA WITH THE ROBOT HEAD WAS LIKE "DANCE MUSIC IS IN A COMFORT ZONE" OH OK COOL SO BASICALLY YOU REVOLUTIONIZED IT BY MAKING AN ALBUM OF ADULT CONTEMPORARY 70'S DISCO P-NO ROBOT MUSIC? I THINK THESE NIGGAS ARE WASHED. I CAN PICTURE THESE NIGGAS IN THE STUDIO WEARING ROBOT HEADS LISTENING TO SKRILLEX LIKE "ZIS EEZ BOOL SHEET FRANCOIS! WHERE IZ ZEE FONKY BAZE LION? ZERE IS NO SOUL TO ZIS!! NO? WHERE IZ ZEE SOUL FRANCOIS? ZIS IS MERDE!" THEN THEY SMOKE A MILLION CIGARETTES AND MAKE AN ELECTRONIC KENNY G ALBUM THAT COULD ALSO BE THE SOUNDTRACK TO A LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE IF LORD OF THE RINGS WAS SET IN BOCA RATON ON A BOOZE CRUISE.

I GUESS THIS SHIT IS COOL TO FUCK YOUR WIFE TO WHEN YOUR KIDS FINALLY GO AWAY TO COLLEGE AND YOU GOT THE WHOLE HOUSE TO YOURSELF AND YOU CAN REVISIT THE DAYS OF HITTING MARGARET FROM THE BACK IN THE KITCHEN WHILE SHE MAKES BROWNIE BATTER. "BABY, JACKSON AND TYLER ARE FINALLY AWAY AT WESLEYAN AND I'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER FOR THIS MOMENT" *PUTS ON THIS ALBUM, PULLS DOWN TROUSERS TO REVEAL EMBARRASSINGLY FEEBLE GRAY BONER* I KNOW THAT'S A GROSS VISUAL BUT LUCKILY IT'S NOT A REAL THING THATS HAPPENING IN YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW WHILE YOU SIT IN YOUR ECONOMETRICS CLASS PRETENDING LIKE YOU NEED TO BORROW A PEN FROM THE BITCH NEXT TO YOU CUZ YOU WANNA SMASH.

I GIVE THIS SHIT 3 PILES OF DUTCH GUTS OUTTA 5 BECAUSE ALIX IS FRENCH AND I DON'T WANNA GO TOO HARD ON THE FRENCH NIGGAS BUT HOLY SHIT IF THIS ISN'T "MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH MDMA WHEN I'M 53" MUSIC I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS.

STANDOUT TRACK: IDK I STREAMED THIS SHIT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHATS WHAT AS FAR AS "TITLES". THERE WAS A FRENCH NIGGA TALKING SHIT ABOUT PLAYING GUITAR IN HERE AND THAT WAS CORNY SO I JUST STARTED LISTENING TO TITO SWING - "TO TOMAMO" AND NOW I'M EATING A VERY HEARTY MEAL CONSISTING OF PLATANOS AND FRIED CHEESES.

Monday, April 15, 2013

10 [MORE] WORST NIGGAS ON TWITTER

 

YOU CORNBALLS DOIN TOO MUCH B.

 

 

 



 

AZAUILEIUSAL4LA BANKS

SMH.GIVE THAT POOR INDIAN GIRL HER HAIR BACK B.


WOW THIS BITCH GOT 2 SPOTS CUZ SHE IS THE FUCKING WORST HUMAN EVER. SHORTY CATALOG CONSISTS OF LIKE 2.5 SONGS FOR FLIGHTY LIMP WRISTED NIGGAS TO GET THEY RUPAUL ON TO, BUT SHE ON TWITTER VERY VERY VERY HEAVY TAKIN SHOTS AT EVERYBODY ON EARTH THAT PROLLY WON'T DO SHIT, SHE'S THE KEVIN GARNETT OF SHITTY MUSIC B. SHORTY GOT MORE FAKE HAIR THAN A WEREWOLF COSTUME FACTORY AND SHE DON'T KNOW WHEN TO CHILL. CHILL BITCH! YOU DOIN TOO MUCH. IF REMY MA WAS HOME THIS WOULD BE TAKEN CARE OF SWIFTLY AND PAINFULLY BUT SHE'S NOT SO SHORTY IS JUST ALLOWED TO RUN WILD RAMPANT TAKIN SHOTS AT EVERY GOONLESS MUSICIAN OUT HERE B. WHEN SHE SAID THAT SHIT ABOUT JIM JONES I PRAYED TO BABY JESUS THAT CAPO WOULD SEND SOME BITCHES WITH NECK TATTOOS TO GO PUT IN SOME WORK AT PRIDE WEEK OR WHEREVER ELSE SHORTY PERFORMS AT. ALAS IT DID NOT HAPPEN. I'M HOPIN SHE TAKES SHOTS AT LACHAT OR SOME OTHER WILD FEMALE THAT WILL KNOCK THE GLUE OUT HER WIGGINGTON.

SAMPLE TWEET

@AZEALIABANKS I been shooting these ASAP dudes down and getting under their skin since I was fifteen... These dudes ALWAYS been pretenders hahaaaaa

CLASSIC CORNY BEEF TWEET. ASAP IS WINNING, THIS BITCH IS MAKING MUSIC FOR NIGGAS TO "DUCK WALK" TO AND SHE OUT HERE TALKING SHIT. SOMEBODY NEED TO ROUNDHOUSE THIS BITCH IN HER UNNATURALLY LARGE CLITORIS.






 

 
NEW RO AGAINST THE WORLD

40 OZ VAN

THIS NIGGA IS ACTUALLY THE WORST. HE ONLY TWEETS LINKS TO $50 SNAPBACKS, (THEY ONLY AVAILABLE FOR 3.5 HOURS! HURRY! EXCLUSIVE!) WEED TALK AND HEART EMOJIS AT DYCKMAN "FASHIONISTAS" WHICH MEANS BITCHES THAT SHOP AT H&M. NIGGA BAFFLES ME WITH HIS POPULARITY CUZ SON IS BASICALLY THE SPANISHTWITTER NOTEBOOK. NIGGA TWEETS SHIT LIKE "CHOCOLATE IS DELICIOUS"...OH WORD? THANKS FOR THE INFORMATION MINIVAN I WAS NOT AWARE OF THIS. "IT'S QUIET FOR EARTHQUAKES" NO SHIT DICKHEAD WHO LIKES EARTHQUAKES? THIS IS THE NIGGA IN YOUR CREW THAT SAYS OBVIOUS SHIT IN ORDER TO GET SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. EXCEPT I'M NOT IN THE NIGGAS CREW TO BE LIKE "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR LITTLE HAT MONEY NIGGA, YOU ARE FUCKING SOCIALLY AWKWARD." THIS NIGGA IS THE PERSONIFICATION OF HOOKAH SMOKE B GET THIS GUY OUTTA HERE. NIGGAS SHOULD BUILD A FORCEFIELD AROUND NEW ROCHELLE AND CANCEL THIS NIGGA DATA PLAN SO HE CAN'T EXPOSE ME TO ANYMORE CORNY HATS OR PICTURES OF BITCHES I CAN GET A BLOWJOB FROM IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM ON A WEDNESDAY AT RIVIERA'S.

SAMPLE TWEET:

@40oz_VAN: The only baggage you should ever bring on vacation is that one suitcase containing clothes.

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN NIGGA? ARE YOU THE PUERTO RICAN DR. PHIL? GO DO A CARTWHEEL ONTO THE HUTCH NIGGA IF I SEE YOU SMOKIN A BLUNT IN MY STAIRCASE I'M PUSHIN YOU DOWN THE STAIRS.

 





   

SHORTY GAVE ME THE MIDDLE FINGER! *GASP*

  JENNYJOHNSONHI5

IS THIS WHAT "FUNNY SOCCER MOMS" ARE LIKE? BRUH THIS BITCH HAS NEVER ELLICITED NARY A CHUCKLE FROM ME B. I THINK I GOT TO TWITTER LATE CUZ THIS BITCH HAS 30 MILLION FOLLOWERS WHICH JUST PROVES MY THEORY THAT BLONDE WHITE WOMEN DOING SHIT THEY NOT ACCUSTOMED TO DOING WILL DRAW A HUGE FOLLOWING. I'M ABOUT TO DYE MY WIFE'S HAIR BLONDE AND MAKE HER START RAPPING OR DOING COMEDY WHERE SHE CURSES SOMETIMES. THIS BITCH IS BASICALLY THE NIGGA DOING OPEN MICS AT YOUR LOCAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE EXCEPT BLONDE WITH TITS (I THINK). SHORTY BE MAKING HORRENDOUS JOKE AFTER HORRENDOUS JOKE AND NOBODY EVER SAID SHIT TO HER UNTIL SHE WAS LIKE "CHRIS BROWN IS A FUCKING NIGGER" (I'M PARAPHRASING) THEN ALL BREEZY'S FANS JUMPED ON HER JUMBO CLIT LIKE "I'LL KILL YOU YOU WHITE BITCH!" AND WHITE PEOPLE WERE LIKE "YAAAYYYY! NICE WHITE WOMAN VS SCARY BLACK MILLIONAIRE!" AND THIS BITCH FANBASE EXPANDED TO INCLUDE CLOSET RACISTS AS WELL AS NIGGAS WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOR WHO DVR "HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER"

SAMPLE TWEET:
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Do I have any followers in Amsterdam? Can someone take me to the classy places? Like where Anne Frank used to drink beer. #Classy

THAT'S A JOKE. THAT WAS A JOKE. YOU DEFINITELY HAVE FOLLOWERS IN AMSTERDAM WHO ARE SO HIGH THEY SHIT HASH OIL AND EVEN THEY DON'T LAUGH AT THIS TYPE OF SHIT.









 

NIGGA YOU LOOK LIKE A HIPHOP VAMPIRE

REV RUN

COME ON BRUH WHAT ARE YOU A FUCKIN DESK CALENDAR IN MY GUIDANCE COUNSELORS OFFICE? ARE YOU A FUCKING POSTER FROM A TEACHER'S STORE MY GUY? CUT IT OUT WITH THE 140 CHARACTERS OF MOTIVATION B. THE ONLY THING YOU MOTIVATING ME TO DO IS BLOCK YOUR HOLY ASS ON TWITTER MY PAL. YOU DRESS LIKE THE UNDERTAKER IS YOUR STYLIST MY NIGGA I GET THAT YOU'RE A "REVEREND" BUT DO YOU HAVE TO DRESS LIKE A MAFIOSO HIPHOP CHURCH NIGGA AT ALL TIMES? YOU DRESS LIKE A CHARACTER IN A GRAPHIC NOVEL SNOOP DOGG INVENTED CALLED "DA BYSHOP"...IF YOU SPENT THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME WATCHING YOUR KIDS THAT YOU DO AT BARNES & NOBLE QUOTING SELF HELP BOOKS FROM THE DOLLAR BIN MAYBE THEY WOULDN'T GET BEAT UP ON INSTAGRAM BY WEED CARRIERS. I DONT WANNA PRAY ON TWITTER MY NIGGA I WANNA LAUGH AND LOOK AT TITS. THANKS FOR THE BLESSINGS AND ALL THAT BUT I'M GOOD. I'M A BUDDHIST SCIENTOLOGIST (I SMOKE WEED THEN I MAKE UP THINGS THAT SOUND LIKE FACTS.)

SAMPLE TWEET:


@RevRunWisdom: Be grateful.. It's the cure for being hateful


*WEE BEY GIF*







 

LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN COWARD B NIGGA LOOKS LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC DYKE

DONALD TRUMP

WOW WOW NIGGAS GAVE THIS GIRLYMOUTH COWARD A PLATFORM TO EXPRESS HIS BITCH ASS OPINIONS B. THIS NIGGA NEVER HAD AN INTELLIGENT THOUGHT IN HIS LIFE AND NOW NIGGAS ON THE INTERNET IS EXPOSED TO THIS NIGGA SAYIN SHIT LIKE "OBAMA WAS ON VACATION THIS WEEK WHILE WE AMERICANS ARE STARVING TO DEATH" NIGGA YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO SATAN FOR ETERNAL RICHES B GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE. YOU NOT A REGULAR AMERICAN B I BET YOU NEVER EVEN FUCKED A GIRL IN A STAIRCASE. NAHMEAN HOW CAN YOU SPEAK FOR AMERICA WHEN YOU GOT A TOUPEE MADE OUT OF LIVE BABY SCALPS? NIGGAS SKINS BABIES FOR THEY HAIR BUT HE'S SPEAKING FOR "REGULAR AMERICANS" HAVE YOU EVEN EVER 69'D WITH A FEMALE ON A SOFA LIKE REGULAR AMERICANS (ME)? DEFINITELY NOT. FUCK YOU AND YOUR TWITTER WHITE DEVIL. THIS RACIST NIGGA PROLLY GOT A MEXICAN BITCH TO CLEAN HIS PPHOLE AND A JAMAICAN BITCH TO CHANGE HIS DIAPERS.

SAMPLE TWEET:
Golf match? I've won 18 Club Championships including this weekend. @mcuban swings like a little girl with no power or talent. Mark's a loser


MARK'S A LOSER BUT YOU'RE OVER HERE TRYING TO AIR OUT A NIGGA ON TWITTER LIKE HE GAVE YOU GONORHEA. GO TO BOSNIA OR SOMEWHERE WITHOUT INTERNET TO FIND A NEW WIFE DOG THIS ONE IS ALMOST EXPIRED.

















 

CIROC IS THE BLACKTWITTER HOLY GRAIL

BLACKTWITTER


 
FUCK ALL THESE NIGGAS YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO THEY ARE. HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T. NOT EVEN GONNA LIST THESE NIGGAS I DON'T WANNA GIVE THEM AND THEY FOAMPOSITES ANY SHINE AT ALL. "TWITTER FAMOUS" CORNBALLS WHO WATCH VH1 REALITY SHOWS LIKE THEY ON VIACOM PAYROLL NIGGAS WAKE UP GENUFLECT AND KISS THE TIP OF JOE BUDDENS DICK EVERYDAY LIKE ITS THEY GRANDMA LANGUISHING IN HOSPICE CARE. THEY WOULD TRADE A VITAL ORGAN TO BE A MEMBER OF A RAPPER'S ENTOURAGE BUT IN THE MEANTIME THEY WILL DIGITALLY DICKRIDE THEIR PREFERRED ARTIST  AND CONTRIBUTE SOCIAL COMMENTARY FOR SOCIALLY RETARDED INDIVIDUALS, UNMIXED UNEXCLUSIVE "FOLDERS" OF MUSIC (SPOTIFY EXISTS, YOU CAN KEEP THOSE) AND PICTURES I COULD PROBABLY FIND ON BUZZFEED IF ANY MINORITIES WORKED AT BUZZFEED. (SCOTT WATTUP) SOME OF THESE NIGGAS EVEN GOT THE AUDACITY TO HAVE MANAGERS! WHAT IS THAT GUY MANAGING PAL? YOUR TROPICANA 2% JUICE INTAKE? GO FUCK YOUR GRANDPA IN THE BUTT YA JERK.

SAMPLE TWEET:
"@BLACKTWITTER: fellas! how yall feel about $200 dates! LML IM OUT! *EMOJI**EMOJI**EMOJI**EMOJI*"

THIS ISN'T A "REAL" TWEET BUT GO ON ONE OF THESE NIGGAS PAGES AND SCRAMBLE THOSE WORDS AROUND AND YOU'LL EVENTUALLY SEE THE SAME TWEET.









 

IDK BRUH.

AMANDA BYNES

A LITTLE TORN HERE BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY REALLY EXCITED THAT AMANDA BYNES CELEBRITY SWAG TRAJECTORY WENT FROM MANDY MOORE TO "PUERTO RICAN STRIPPER AT THE MALL ON HER DAY OFF" IN THE SPAN OF LIKE 3 YEARS B. BUT WHO IS YOUR STYLIST MA? A BARTENDER FROM PERFECTIONS? THIS BITCH IS LIKE 5 MONTHS AWAY FROM DOING A "WORLDSTAR HONEYS" VIDEO AND LIKE 10 MONTHS AWAY FROM RELEASING A FULL BLOWN SEXTAPE WITH GUDDA GUDDA OR SOME SHIT. SHORTY IS WILD SHE GOT HER FACIAL PIERCED AND WEARS MORE MAKEUP THAN EVERY SPANISH BITCH ON TWITTER. SHE ALSO IS HEAVILY INTO BENZOS JUDGING BY HER TWITTER FEED AND PHOTOS. I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS POSITIVE OF NEGATIVE B. DOES SHE EVEN BELONG ON THIS LIST? I WILL MAKE THAT FINAL DECISION BASED ON WHETHER OR NOT SHE RETURNS MY DM THIS EVENING.

SAMPLE TWEET

‏@AmandaBynes: If I'm not following you on twitter, I hate you


NOT SURE BUT I THINK I LOVE YOU.












 

SHE NEVER DATED BLACK NIGGAS SO HER KIDS IS MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME BY SUCKIN EVERY RICH BLACK DICK IN AMERICA

KRIS JENNER

THIS SHOULD REALLY BE THE WHOLE KARDASHIAN FAMILY CUZ THOSE NIGGAS PROVIDE ABSOLUTELY NO POSITIVE VALUE TO SOCIETY B. I'LL GET ARRESTED FOR SITTING IN THE STAIRCASE DRINKING A BEER BUT THESE BITCHES (THEY ALL HOES B EVEN ROBERT) GET CHECKS TO SIT AROUND IN BAD OUTFITS AND 76 OUNCES OF MAKEUP DRINK MIMOSAS AND TALK ABOUT BOTOX? AT LEAST I SAY FUNNY/SMART SHIT WHEN IM CONSUMING MY ALCOHOL. KRIS MIGHT BE THE WORST THO CUZ SHE SYSTEMATICALLY HOING OUT HER KIDS. IF I MAKE MY SON SELL SNICKERS ON THE TRAIN ACS WILL TAKE THAT NIGGA AWAY. NAHMEAN IF MY SON GRABS A JAR IN THE SUPERMARKET AND THE SHIT BREAKS AND I SMACK THE NIGGA I'LL GET ARRESTED BUT THIS BITCH WAS PROLLY IN THE CUTTING ROOM EDITING THE VIDEO OF KIM SUCKING THE SOUL OUTTA RAYJ PPHOLE. IMAGINE I RELEASED A SEX TAPE OF MY KID NIGGA? READ THE SENTENCE "I RELEASED A SEXTAPE OF MY CHILD" AND PROCESS THAT SHIT. CMON B. FUCK YOU AMERICA. YOU NIGGAS READY FOR A GONZO MULTIPLE ANGLE KENDALL JENNER BJ TAPE? THAT'S COMING UP NEXT AFTER KIM FALLS OFF AND EVERYONE REALIZES KANYE IS USING HER TO DIM THE RAINBOW AROUND HIS WHOLE EXISTENCE.

SAMPLE TWEET
@KrisJenner Meet Kim this Saturday at Kardashian Khaos in @TheMirageLV in Vegas! Details here: http://bit.ly/k0RdUEy  WOOOHOOOOOOO!

"KARADASHIAN KHAOS" MY NIGGA. COINCIDENTALLY THAT'S THE NAME OF THE GANGBANG PORN THIS BITCH HAS BEHIND AN EMERGENCY GLASS ONCE THIS RAYJ DNA WAVE SUBSIDES.
 






 

IS THIS NIGGA WEARING A MOUTHGUARD?

UGO LORD

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NIGGAS DEAL? NIGGA LOOKS LIKE JIMINY CRICKET WITH AN INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH PERM B. IS HE ONE OF THESE MOTIVATIONAL NIGGAS? WHAT KINDA MOTIVATION IS THIS NIGGA GONNA GIVE ME B? NIGGA LOOKS LIKE HE SHOPS EXCLUSIVELY AT XIOS B. THIS NIGGA LOOKS LIKE A RACIST CARTOON THAT RICKY MARTIN SAW AND SAID "I WANT TO BE THIS GUYS STYLIST WHILE I LISTEN TO JON SECADA" THAT'S THIS GUYS VIBE. NIGGA IS A "MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER" WHICH BUGS ME THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE THESE NIGGAS MAKE OD FUCKING MONEY TO GO INTO A CONVENTION CENTER AND BE LIKE "HARNESS THE POWER OF YOUR INNER MIND CYCLE!! THE SELF PRETERNATION OF YOUR DONGLIKUE IS IN ITS ROTATION!! CAPTURE IT!!" NIGGA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IF YOU NEED A NIGGA WITH RODENT TEETH TO TELL YOU TO "HARNESS YOUR MINDS POWER" YOUR MIND DON'T GOT ANY FUCKIN POWER TO BEGIN WITH. THIS NIGGA PROBABLY FLYING ON A JET WITH HIS FACE ON IT BECAUSE NIGGAS GET DUMPED BY THEY GIRLFRIEND AND DON'T HAVE A FRIEND WITH A BLUNT TO BE LIKE "PUSSY IS PUSSY NIGGA GROW UP" GET THIS GUY ALL THE WAY THE FUCK OUTTA HERE B. THERE'S POSTER'S IN OFFICES ACROSS AMERICA THAT DO WHAT YOU DO AND ARE MORE COST EFFECTIVE.

SAMPLE TWEET

@UgoLord: We're all in this together doing everything we can to live our dreams. We make mistakes along the way but learning from them makes us strong

THIS IS 40OZ VAN WITH 18 COLLEGE CREDITS.





YO I'M OUTTA HERE. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS INSTALLMENT. IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE AND YOU GOT ALL UPSET HOLLA AT ME I'D BE GLAD TO HAVE YOU VISIT THE FRONT OF ED'S BUILDING SO 20 13YEAR OLD DOMINICAN GANG MEMBERS CAN BEAT YOUR EYEBALLS OUT YOUR DOMICILE. 

#KNOWLEDGE